2020, The story so far!

2020 has certainly started with it’s share of challenges both physically and mentally. Physically they started in December with a very sore knee which for some reason spread into my lower back. Thankfully both have improved after numerous visits to various medical people and the help of meditation. This brings me to an interesting question, i know from experience that i can improve physical pain with meditation, in fact i have just proved that on my walk with Bella this evening. I am at Nannup at the moment and Bella likes nothing better than a long walk with lots of new smells and things to explore. The down side of this is she has a habit of setting off after anything which moves wether it be a rabbit or a 6 foot tall kangaroo of which there are many around here. This tends to be a challenge to both me and the extendable lead which she spends much of the walk on, she has pulled several out of the holder and even out of my hand after giving me a sizeable jolt which doesn’t do my back or my knee much good. Tonight it wasn’t Bella who caused my knee to hurt, sometimes it just does but with some mindfulness i was able to complete my walk without much trouble. What I don’t have much success with is helping mental issues with meditation, in fact I can’t seem to make any progress on that front. Logic tells me that I am using meditation to assist in controlling physical pain but mental issues are also mainly in the mind so i would have thought that lifting myself out of the low i have found myself in would be relatively easy. For some reason i am not able to help myself at all in that direction which is very frustrating.

There have been a number of things which have not helped my mental state recently. Firstly Christmas, for some reason i find the whole Christmas thing stressful, too many memories from my childhood to start with, it was always a very difficult time for me and it’s not improved much through the years. I’m not a religious person but it seems to have completely lost it’s meaning and become just a commercial rip-off. There have been numerous other small things which have not helped including believe it or not a TV commercial for a car, good for Renault in putting it out there but it also brought back too many thoughts of a childhood and early life of which i was robbed and it hurts so much.

Thankfully there is light at the end of the tunnel by means of a visit to “H” my psychologist on Monday and the return of meditation classes which I’ve really missed. I’ve not missed meditating a single day but somehow it’s lost it’s potency so getting that back on track will help with lots of things.

Finally, you may have noticed that the blog is slightly different, the main thing is the website is now “steps2stephanie.com” there will be more changes coming up now that we have better control of it and I’d like to say a huge thank you to Denise’s son Gareth for his help with this.

So, onwards and upwards! As my GP said “I’ve got this” i will get through it, I’ve got so many beautiful people who care for me especially my soulmate Denise, thank you xxx