Author: Stephanie

Regular readers of my blog will not be strangers to how much I appreciate the amazing care I receive from a growing number of people involved in my healthcare and wellbeing. Today was a perfect example of how lucky i am in the way I’m cared for. Today i had a visit to the lady whole set the ball rolling back in 2012 which eventually resulted in my transition through introductions to various people but even before that had given me a level of care which blew me away. I am of course talking about my wonderful osteopath Annette (I’m sure she won’t mind me mentioning her by name!) who in reality is much more than an osteopath and is the person who has opened my mind to so many things but most importantly, Holistic care.

My back has been a little out of sorts for a week or so and with the events of earlier this week i felt an appointment would help. In all the years i have been seeing Annette i have never once left her treatment room feeling anything but better than when i walked in and today was no different. She always amazes me by identifying the issues before i tell her. Today, after a brief outline as to the events of Monday and Tuesday she gently put her hands under the back of my neck and shoulders and told me what and where the problems were. She even identified the exact place i had the tetanus jab despite me having long sleeves and not even telling her I’d had one! True talent indeed! She then went on to tell me where the breast pain was coming from and what she was going to do about it while i just laid there with my eyes closed and thanked my lucky stars that i was recommended to see her back in 2011.

While i am on the subject of recommendations, i need to mention that it’s now over six weeks since meditation was recommended to me as a way of dealing with the pain in my mons area. I am absolutely thrilled to say that I’ve not felt the need to take an opiate painkiller since my first class! I don’t even come close to understanding why it works but Annette made a point today which maybe explains it a little and that was that I was open minded enough to give it a go even though i was a little sceptical and because i felt so at ease with the lady who takes the class i was a very willing student. I have not missed a single day meditating even though sometimes it’s only for 15 minutes. Both Denise and i are feeling the benefit and regularly fall asleep listening to the “smiling minds” app which we have also found useful. I think the key is exactly that, having an open mind! All i can say is long may it continue and thank you to the person who suggested it!

I have been experiencing an increasing amount of breast pain recently which came to a head on Sunday. The natural thing to do when something hurts is to touch it an feel where the pain is, unfortunately when i did this i could feel a definite lump which set alarm bells ringing. It was extremely sore and the more i touched it the more pronounced it seemed to be. Mindful of the fact that I’ve been told on a number of occasions that sinister lumps in breasts are very rarely painful i thought about it for a while then decided it was better to be safe than sorry and made an online booking to see one of my wonderful GPs first thing Monday morning.

I haven’t seen this one for sometime and she seemed very surprised to see me but she was lovely as usual. We talked for a while about my other ongoing issues which she was very happy to hear that i seem to have them under control at the moment at least. She then moved on to the breast pain and performed a very thorough examination. She got to the area where the pain was the most intense and proceeded to give it a good old press, I yelped with pain and she apologised. After giving it some thought she decided i should have an ultrasound and printed a referral for me, she then wrote on it +/- FNA. I’ve seen this before and there was immediate horror running through me, the mere thought of someone sticking a needle, however fine, into my very painful breast made me feel almost sick! She explained why she thought it necessary, gave me a hug and i left.

Now here’s the thing, I’ve spent forty plus years hiding my breasts and staying covered up at all times but now that i can be proud of them the thought of having to have surgery on them brought real fear. Accordingly, i went straight to West Coast Radiology and made an appointment with the lady i have seen numerous times for one thing or another. I didn’t have long to wait as they could fit me in today. When I arrived the receptionist did all the usual checks of name, address and date of birth and asked me to take a seat. I had only just sat down when the sonographer called me in. She asked how I’d been and we talked about the issue with the breast while i took off my top and laid on the bed. She was extremely thorough and explained the visuals on the screen. She asked me about my HRT program and my diet and lifestyle then announced that the lump was almost certainly asymmetrical gynecomastia and while it was painful it wasn’t sinister. She also went to great lengths to tell me I’d done the correct thing in getting it checked out but no FNA was needed. Talk about a sigh of relief, i thanked her very much, gave her a hug and left.

I had work organised for this afternoon so went home, changed my clothes, had some lunch and headed to the job. The work was for a lovely lady whom I’d been recommended to by one of my longest standing customers which is always appreciated. I had done some of the jobs last week but the weather had prevented me from doing a couple of outdoor jobs. One of them was to re-affix an outdoor light to a tree. The brackets had rusted away and it had fallen off, it shouldn’t have been a difficult job but i needed to remove the remains of the old bracket. As the screws were well and truely rusted I decided to cut it off with the angle grinder. Sadly this was where it all went wrong! With the bracket in one hand and the grinder in the other, somehow my right hand came into contact with the wheel. At first it didn’t look more than a scratch but on closer examination i could see the bone of my index finger and the blood was now flowing! I got down off the ladder and went into the house, explained what had happened and was immediately taken to the garage where she produced a first aid kit from her car. She took one look at the wound and announced i would need to go to hospital. She put me in her car after wrapping some sort of dressing around it and we were off.

The triage nurse was lovely, took my details and sent me to the next stage. They went through the details again and sent us back to the waiting area. By this time Denise had arrived after a call by the house owner and we were soon taken through into the treatment area. The doctor examined it and announced that he would need to give me a nerve blocker in order to clean up the wound. I thought it sounded bad news but by this stage i was in considerable pain so didn’t argue. There followed 4 injections in the finger followed by a tetanus in my arm for good measure!

So sadly, instead of one needle in my breast i ended up with 5 in various places and 4 stitches but it could have been much worse. It could easily have cost me a finger so i am at least thankful for that and also that I wasn’t working on my own as it could have been a serious problem! My finger will heal although it could take a while so it will mean taking things easy for some time but at lease i still have all my digits.

I have a huge amount of work on at the moment which is certainly keeping me out of mischief and my job for today has been on the books since around Easter so definitely time to get round to it. The original work order has been amended several times with things added to which need attention. It’s quite an old house which really needs some love and the new tenants are certainly doing their best to make it nice but sadly a few things need the attention of R U Handy Property Maintenance!

First on the list was to replace two damaged internal doors. I’ve had the new ones in the shed for a couple of weeks now so it was just a case of removing the old ones, bringing them back to my workshop and planing the new ones to fit along with drilling the various holes for handles etc. fitting doors is a job i quite like, the OCD part of me loves the way when its hung for the first time it fits perfectly in every way, fitting the door furniture finishes the job and I’m proud of the two i fitted today. There were about 10 jobs on the list, the dreaded toilet seat to replace although this one was pretty clean for a change (i still take no chances with gloves and lots of wet wipes!) then there was a problem with the shower door.

These are things i try to avoid apart from simple adjustment as they can be difficult to make work properly and this one was a prime example. It was a three part affair and the frame of left hand section in reality was simply worn out. It looked like it had been repaired countless times and the hole that the top screw is supposed to go in was completely worn away. I tried several things, longer screws, thicker screws, all of which had been tried before so didn’t work. It was time for some Yorkshire spirit of improvisation. I figured out how to remove the said section all together and brought it back to my workshop where I fashioned a bracket to brace the corner, re-drilled the adjusting slots which were also worn away and re-assembled it. I returned it to the house and re-fitted it, it needed some further adjustment but eventually it worked perfectly and i was pretty pleased with my efforts.

The spirit of improvisation is i think sadly lacking in today’s world, mine comes from my years on the farm growing up when we rarely had the right tool for the job but with some out-of-the-box thinking we usually got the job done. For me it was a bright spot in a somewhat difficult childhood and adolescence. Growing up on a farm is a privilege, one I probably didn’t appreciate at the time but it has certainly served me well since.

The rest of the jobs on the list were relatively straight forward, i have a couple to finish off tomorrow and i can then cross it off my list. The variation of my work is one of the best parts about it, many of the jobs are a learning experience and I cherish the knowledge which I’m gaining.

Today marks the second anniversary of my dream of going to sleep as Robin and waking up as Stephanie coming true. Well, physically anyway! It’s been a challenging two years to say the least and I certainly didn’t expect to be still taking painkillers regularly and be looking for a surgeon to correct things from the first and second attempt.

But it is what it is and i think this is a good opportunity to look at how far I’ve come since then and my journey which in reality started in a specialist’s room on the 21st December 2015 when i at last learned about my true beginnings. I am indeed a very different person in so many ways and i owe much of this to my rock and soulmate Denise. Without her i most likely wouldn’t be here at all but i most certainly wouldn’t be the confident woman i am today. I also need to say a huge thank you to all of the people who have (and still are) looking after me medically. The five GPs who have been amazing, my psychologist, my endocrinologist, my osteopath who has been so much more for over 7 years and many more. I also would like to say a huge thank you to all our friends for their support, you have all been amazing.

My book, “When do i get to be me” is finally finished, Denise is currently proof reading it for me before it goes for editing. My grammar is not fantastic so there is lots to correct but I’m pleased with how it’s turned out and I’m happy that it will get my story and the message out.

While i am disappointed in the way the surgery has not been  a complete success, the positives in terms of my happiness and contentment are there for all to see. I am also still disappointed by the few negative people who for whatever reason are not happy for me but they are thousands of kilometres away in the UK so in reality not a real issue. A major step forward over the last few months has been an acceptance of how my parents dealt with the issue of my being born intersex (or rather didn’t deal with it!) for a number of reasons i have come to terms with it with the help of ‘H’ my truely wonderful psychologist who in our six-weekly sessions never fails to ask where I’m at with them. I am so lucky to be able to still see her even though technically i am no longer bound by the agreement i made with the psychiatrist back in November 2016 that i would have counselling for at least two years.

I am also lucky in that my business has just taken off! I have two full house paints to do and lots of smaller jobs. My relationship with the Realestate company in town is wonderful, i so appreciate the work and they are very happy that they have someone who is willing to do most things and do them well. I also get to meet some truely lovely people which makes the whole thing even better.

All in all i am in a good place. Regardless of the pain i am in some days I have no regrets at all and realise just what a lucky girl i am!

I have made my thoughts about the UZ and CZ well known, it has long been something I’ve believed but seldom have i felt the benefit in such a profound way.

My latest trip into the UZ involved attending a meditation class. It was a recommendation from my GP and although i have to admit to being both nervous and sceptical everything she has recommended over the past 10 months has been positive so i saw no reason not to give it a try. I’m so pleased i did!  My nerves disappeared within a few seconds of walking through the door. I was welcomed with a lovely hug from  the lady taking the class and it just got better. I was early as usual and took a seat on the couch, the class was due to start at 7.30 but the conversation just flowed and the next thing i knew my alarm was going off to remind me to take my sleeping tablet at 8pm. I realised at that point that i was the only person attending the class, it was just meant to be, we talked and talked and talked. The class was supposed to go for 1 hour but at 9pm we hadn’t even touched on the meditation. I decided i should stop talking and listen. From then on she taught me some very basic meditation techniques and i got it straight away. I have always had problems relaxing. I think it comes from my years in the motor trade when you are continually looking for the next sale only now I’m planning my next job and how I’m going to organise my day. I think this is going to help me in lots of ways.

The lady taking the class is just another example of a beautiful person trying to help me and look after me, i feel so blessed to add her to my seemingly ever growing list of angels. Once again i am realising what a lucky girl i am! Thank you SM for the recommendation, you are a very special lady indeed!

After my post of almost 4 weeks ago regarding my disappointing visit to a surgeon in Perth I didn’t think things could get much worse in that department but i was clearly wrong. With just 19 hours remaining before my follow up appointment where i hoped he would be better prepared (not thinking it could get any worse!) I received a phone call from his secretary canceling the appointment as he hasn’t had time to do any research for me! To say i am upset about it would be an understatement, I don’t see any point in seeing him again as he clearly is not interested in helping me. So where to from here i really don’t know. Since receiving the call i have tried to think of a different route but am at a loss as to where to look next. I have sent an enquiry to a surgeon in Melbourne who’s name i was given by my endocrinologist but to be honest don’t hold out much hope that he will be willing to help. It seems no one is interested in sorting out someone else’s stuff-ups!  It is all seriously trying my mental state and seemingly all the people i could turn to have no appointments this week or are away so i can see it being a very tough one indeed especially as i came in from my evening walk with the dog in a great deal of pain! Thank goodness for Endone, i know it’s not the answer but until i find a long term solution it does the job!!

Last week was somewhat challenging to say the least! There was an appointment with a surgeon who in my view was ill prepared, asked some inappropriate questions and performed a very unpleasant examination albeit at my request. Then came Wednesday and after taking Denise to the doctors my car received a $3000 plus dent in the near side rear quarter from a P plater who reversed into it! The final challenge of the week came by way of an unsolved mystery as to the whereabouts of the brew unit out of the coffee machine. It was there when we left for Nannup on Wednesday evening and missing on Saturday morning. There is no sign of a break-in so a mystery it will remain!

This week in comparison has been much more pleasant. I have done work for two very nice people and earned good money in the process and I’ll come back to that later in this post. The best parts of the week have been several appointments with the various people who look after the various areas of my medical needs. This week has had no less than four appointments all of which have started with a hug and finished with a longer one. It started with one of the wonderful GPs who look after me. She is relatively new to me but has made a lovely impression already. She is thorough, caring and genuinely wants to help me find a solution to the pain I’m in. The second was a visit to ‘H’ my psychologist, they are always helpful and i leave with strategies and plans to deal with things and of course a hug at either end of the appointment. The third was a visit to the other wonderful GP who looks me especially my head and my girl bits. When i enter her room i get an amazing feeling of calm and genuine caring which before we even speak puts me at ease. The heartfelt hug at either end of the appointment is the best and has been a part of every single appointment i have had with her. They are so important, I don’t think people hug enough nowadays! My final appointment of the week was a visit to the lady who started the ball rolling back in 2012 when she recommended a GP to me as I didn’t have one. Without her I most likely wouldn’t be the person i am today so i owe her the world. I don’t know how she does it but somehow she is able to relieve pain from all sorts of areas without painful techniques and again has an a lovely calm and thoughtful manner. All of these people have one wonderful thing in common, i always leave their rooms feeling better than when i entered it, better physically and most importantly better mentally. I am only just realising how much physical pain is caused by emotional pain. Above all i know how blessed and lucky i am to have these people in my life, I’m not sure what i did to deserve them but i am so thankful they are there! I even got a hug from the lovely lady who took my blood at the hospital this morning. I haven’t seen this particular lady for some time so she was very interested in my progress, she said i look amazing which made my day.

Going back to one of the jobs i did this week, replacing a vanity unit in an old house in Abbey. The tenant was a very typical Aussie who kept an eye on progress as the job went on. It turns out he had a rent inspection recently and the subject of the vanity unit came up in his conversation with the property manager. He asked if the job had been given to someone as two people had been to quote for it including me. When she said that the work order had been done he replied “i hope you’re sending that chick to do it, she seemed to know what she was talking about” when i heard that it really did give me a huge buzz, it wasn’t the easiest job I’ve done but it was one of the most satisfying as it looked perfect when finished and as I’ve said before, meeting the people i do jobs for has to be one of the best things about my work, there are some truly lovely people out there. I am indeed blessed!

I’m a girl that needs a plan! Whether it is working in my business, doing the weekly shopping or attending one of the dozens of medical appointments i have had since making the decision to become the person i should always have been nearly three years ago. Today was no different. Today I attended an appointment with a surgeon in Perth who very kindly agreed to see me with a view to solving the problem of my ongoing pain.

As normal we were 20 minutes early for the appointment and he was running 25 minutes late! He apologised after inviting me into his office for running late, i told him it was fine and that on the grounds that it’s usually me that causes the lateness i never complain. He thanked me for that and began asking me a series of questions about the said pain. After a while he told me his plan. Sadly this was very different to what i had i mind. His plan involved having a good old chat to get the background and sending me away with a date to return where i would be admitted to hospital, given a full anaesthetic so he could thoroughly examine me including inserting a scope up my urethra to check its route to my bladder. He would then attend a fortnightly discussion meeting with a number of other surgeons and a radiologist to try and formulate a plan going forward to get me off opiate painkillers once and for all.

My plan on the other hand was for him to examine me today, then do his research and formulate a plan from that. His reasoning for his plan was sound as he said he didn’t want to hurt me. Now I’m all for no pain but I explained how I’d driven 250kms to see him today and therefore would be driving another 250kms home afterwards and felt that i would be happier if he had a look at me today. If after examining me today he felt that he still needed to put me under to have a better look then i would be happy to go with his plan. One very big flaw in his plan however was that if i was asleep then how would i be able to tell him when it hurt? He thought this was a valid point and went off to get the nurse/chaperone while i got undressed and onto the bed, good result i thought! When he returned, he introduced me to the nurse and positioned a very bright LED light so he could take a close look. As is the norm when someone sees my surgery for the first time I apologised for how it looks, to my surprise he said he was just thinking how “normal” it looked. I relayed the story of the first time my gender specialist (who he knows well!) saw it and commented “wow, what a mess, you must be so disappointed!” He replied “I’ve seen much worse on cis gender women”.  He did a fair amount of pressing and poking, asked me where it hurt the most then announced that he wouldn’t need to examine me under anaesthetic after all! Another good result for Stephanie i thought! He asked me to get cleaned up and dressed and said he would be back in a minute, he had doused me with a fair amount of lubricating gel so i cleaned myself up and pulled back the curtain. He returned and told me to make an appointment for 4 weeks hence by which time he will have had his meeting with other specialists and bid me good day. All in all a successful visit i think – he has a positive next step and a plan going forward if he decides that it needs more expertise to solve to problem. He even said that it may involve going to a surgeon in the eastern states but he was hopeful he would find the appropriate person for me. It all left me feeling quietly optimistic and above all, thankful to the lovely lady who spent a good deal of time searching for someone willing to at least have a look at me. I had a good feeling the very first time i saw her and she seems to have come up with a winner, she even shares my name!

Today started with a visit to the hospital carpark where i found the breastscreen wa trailer. My appointment was at 8.30 and it was certainly autumnal to say the least but i was greeted by a smile and invited inside. Once inside i was asked to take a seat and fill in a form. It was the usual disclaimers which no one ever reads then came the “general information” part. First question, have you had a mammogram before? I thought to myself that i could face some questions about that but continued through the questionnaire. Sure enough when i gave the form the the lady she looked at it and asked why I hadn’t had a mammogram before since i am now the ripe old age of 58. I asked if she wanted the short answer or the long one, she said she was happy to have either but i opted for the short one and replied “because the service is not offered to boys regardless of whether they have breasts or not” there was a silence while she digested my answer which seemed to be going on far too long for me so i said “you get that I’m trans yes?” She said “well I hadn’t but now it makes sense” at that point the lady who had been before me came out of the room where it all happens and i was invited in. I was shown where to change and told to wait until i was called. It was only a couple of minutes before i was asked to join the radiographer. She said she just had to ask me a couple of questions before commencing the job, the usual full name, date of birth and address then she asked me if I’d had a mammogram before, i thought here we go again and sure enough after my answer she asked if there was a reason. I used the same reason as before but thought i would go straight for the second bit and said “you get that I’m trans yes?” She said “no, i would never have guessed” i was pleased with that and said “i have had gynecomastia since i was twelve though” surprisingly she didn’t know what that was so I explained, she was intrigued so i told her a little of my story, she asked if I’d had augmentation, i told her it was definitely not needed! The mammogram itself was not as unpleasant as I’d been lead to believe so whether she went easy on me I don’t know but she was happy with her work and said i could get dressed. I thanked her for her kindness and left the room. The other lady was on her own so i thanked her and said that I’d been looked after in a very kind and gentle way. As i left she said she would see me in two years time, job done!

On a different subject, i have mentioned before how much i love working for the Realestate company in town who give me a large percentage of my work nowadays. They are great to deal with and I’d like to think i am as valuable to them as they are to me so it’s a good partnership. Yesterday I received a work order to erect a gate across a drive at a nearby property. I decided to visit the property and meet with the tenant to assess what was needed. When the lady came out of the house she had a somewhat surprised look on her face but was very pleasant as she explained the problem. She then went on to say what a pleasant surprise it was to see a woman doing a job like this, I explained a little about myself and she was clearly very happy for me. Today, after some running around to find a suitable gate i attended the property to erect a post and fit the gate. It was a very successful job, all went to plan and when the tenant arrived home she was thrilled with the result. It just makes the job so worthwhile when clients are appreciative, most are but for  this particular one it was lovely to get a very genuine thank you at the end of it. I am very lucky to work for so many lovely people!

I get asked to do all sorts of things in my work and one of todays tasks was to spray paint a garage roof. So there i was, dancing around on what in hindsight was probably a fairly brittle 40 plus year old asbestos roof with spray gun in hand with my back to the drive when i heard someone shout to me from the drive. I let go of the trigger on the gun and turned round to find a man standing on the drive looking up to me. There was a surprised look on his face when he saw me and he apologised for calling me “mate” which I didn’t hear anyway and to be quite honest wouldn’t have been bothered me. He explained that he had come to mow the lawns but couldn’t get his mower past my car in the drive. I climbed down the ladder and went to move my car, as i walked back down the drive he made the comment that it was unusual to see a woman doing that sort of job which I immediately took as being sexist and said you would be surprised what girls can do, he nodded and got on with his mowing.

Some time later when he had finished the lawns he got out his blower and proceeded to blow all the stray grass cuttings off the drive, i needed something from the car and walked towards him. He had his back to me so didn’t see me coming, he also had his ear defenders on so didn’t hear me either. I stopped and waited for him to finish, he turned round and was surprised to see me standing behind him. He took off his ear defenders and asked me what else i did for work. I told him painting was my main job but i did all sorts of property maintenance and again he seemed surprised. As i walked past him he said “good on you” I replied, I’m not your average kind of girl! He smiled and said “obviously not” It got me thinking about a song from about 15 years ago by a young lady called Alex Parks, the song was called exactly that, not your average kind of girl and I’ve been singing all day. It has actually had a really good effect as today has definitely had its moments like several screws shearing off when i was refitting some blinds after painting. It took all of my “thinking outside the box” to figure out how to get round it but as usual, after a drink and some sustenance, some careful repositioning and the blinds were in place. Not so many years ago i would have really struggled with things like that but in the end it’s only a confidence thing and i love the challenges my job throws at me. Variety is definitely the spice of life!