Author: Stephanie

Today I had my third visit to the physio with a difference and each time I go I learn a little bit more about the technique and how it works. My crystal this week is Rose Quartz, I’m told it is a very feminine crystal which is used to help the emotional side of me catch up with the ever improving physical side of me. Now which ever way you look at it you definitely need to have an open mind and a leap of faith but I can honestly say I am feeling the benefit after just two weeks of treatment so long may that continue. What makes it even better is the fact the the said physio is such a kind, unassuming and interesting person who is happy to explain how things work and what to expect from the crystal of the week, how long to leave it there and what to look for as a sign to remove it. It’s all very fascinating.

After my morning visit it was off to Nannup where I was to meet with the tiler who was busy building the two shower hobs and screeding the floors of the showers so they get a chance to fully dry before next week when I will be doing the water proofing. We have been either very blessed or very lucky with the tradies we have chosen to help with the house build. The tiler called on Saturday to say he had some spare time and could he do the showers and brick the bath side today which meant the bath needed to be fitted beforehand. I had a full week booked with one job or another so wasn’t going to get over there to fit the bath before today, enter the plumber! A text was sent on Sunday morning followed by a return phone call on Sunday evening from him confirming that he could indeed do the job along with several others which would need doing at some point which would make the journey worthwhile and all was completed by Monday afternoon, you just can’t fault service like that!

Next one on the list was the electrician, another tradie who is there when he says he will be, is helpful and easy to work with and so tidy, never leaves a mess. So we have made real progress this week and have a plan for the next few weeks which should see us well on the way to being able to spend the festive season or at least some of it there and there in comfort.

During a conversation with the physio last week when he was asking me about my journey and the various people who have looked after me both medically and mentally over the last two years he made the comment that I had surrounded myself with angels and that is exactly how I feel. I have been so well cared for, a comment that I made to another very good friend who told me that you “reap what you sow” I told her I didn’t remember sowing any of this but it seems we are being looked after in the same way by the people we have chosen to assist us at Nannup, it’s all very humbling!

Today I had my regular visit to the psychologist I’ve been seeing since the start of my journey just over two years ago. I can clearly remember my feelings when I saw her the first time in September 2016, I was petrified! I don’t know what I was expecting really but I do remember walking into her room and seeing the black sofa and thinking “at least it looks a comfortable place to get a grilling” In reality it couldn’t have been any different, I very soon felt at ease and after a couple of visits built a huge emotional connection with her. On many occasions she has talked me round from being very down and managed to give me strategies to help me get through the worst times while I have been battling to get back to health. She has quite simply been the difference on many occasions and I am eternally grateful for her ongoing support.

This brings me to a comment made by the physio that I saw last week. Before my appointment I had sent him a brief outline of my story so as not to waste too much time explaining things during my time with him. He thanked me for it and made the comment that I seemed to have surrounded myself with beautiful caring people throughout my journey. Seriously, I know what a difference they have all made and the psychologist is very close to the top of the list. When my GP suggested that I should have some professional  support locally I was very unsure about it as I had not thought it necessary but time and time again she has made the difference. I am indeed a very lucky girl!

I was recommended by a very dear friend to see a physiotherapist in town. Now I’ve been to a physio before and it was certainly nothing like today’s appointment. There was no stretching and pulling my limbs into positions they don’t really want to go only a very gentle touch here and there and the careful laying on of hands in very carefully chosen positions. It was also a good deal more of a psychological examination than I had expected but again in a very gentle non probing way. I had emailed a brief outline of my story a couple of days ago so as not to waste too much time during the appointment which was much appreciated so we were able to get straight down to the reason for my visit. After a short discussion I was asked to sit on the bed with my back to the physio. He put his hand on my shoulder, them my neck then my head then asked me to lay on my back. He gently laid  his hand on my painful mons area and asked me to describe the feeling. This may sound easy but it was more complex than I thought, he asked me to think carefully about the type of discomfort, it’s colour, it’s size, it’s texture, quite thought provoking and quite difficult to answer.

After some time he started placing different gemstones on me to ascertain which one might do me some good. All of his comments were thoughtful and the questions he asked were logical. During the session he asked me about the different people I was seeing or had seen during my journey. As it was one of the GPs I’ve seen who recommend me to see him but who has since moved on he asked me who I was seeing instead. I explained that I have seen several over the last ten months but the one who I was most happy with was a holistic doctor. Without hesitation he said her name and made the the most lovely comment, he described her as “an angel who walks this earth” I almost cried! He then said “reading your story it sounds as though you have surrounded yourself with people like that” I agreed and replied “I must be the luckiest girl in the world, the way I have been looked after throughout my journey has been truly humbling, so many beautiful people who seem to care for me for some reason” he said it’s a two way thing but I feel I have definitely had the best part of it.

After trying several stones he announced that the one which fits with me was hematite and that with my permission he would like to tape it to my abdomen. He explained how it works and how long to keep it there, I didn’t see him tape it to me and didn’t see how big it is but after getting home I thought I better have a look. It is much bigger than I imagined but up to now it’s not causing any problems so will see how it goes and look forward to my next visit.

 

Today I experienced customer service at both ends of the spectrum, the very good and the absolutely terrible. I had a doctors appointment this morning and wanted to go straight to my painting job afterwards but needed to visit the supermarket so went there before my appointment. The recently opened Coles store in Vasse is our nearest supermarket, it is nice and bright, the parking is excellent even for a vehicle which is over five metres long and it’s not usually too busy. I parked in the middle of the car park away from any other vehicle so as not to invite dents and scratches from careless drivers and headed into the store. As we both have Coles credit cards and associated flybuys accounts we get bombarded by emails telling us what’s on special and how much we need it and mine came last night. It told me all the things which are at supposedly never to be repeated offers and some of them were clearly picked out of my usual shopping list. It’s a very clever system that knows what things you buy regularly and letting you know when each item is on offer. Needless to say I read the email every Tuesday night as thats when the new specials come online so even if I don’t intend shopping for a few days I know what is going to be good value. Last night was no different to any other Tuesday and I scanned through the list to find if the things we needed were on offer and sure enough quite a number of things which were on our list were on special.

My first stop was at the veggie section, we needed a number of things as were have people coming round later this week. I was a bit surprised that the prices of both broccolini and asparagus didn’t match the prices on the email but we needed both so I put two of each into my trolley. I thought for a very short moment that I could have got the prices mixed up but made a mental note that I would check when I next looked at my phone. As I walked up towards the deli section I noticed that the usually full fresh fish department was completely empty, disappointing as I wanted some salmon. It didn’t get any better, the more I walked round the store I noticed things were not as priced in the email. There were lots of people stacking shelves and some obviously changing prices which in my view should have been done before the shop opened. They were all having a good old chat to their co worker and to be honest there seemed to be little work actually going on.

I finished my shopping and had a full trolley so I headed for the checkouts only to find each and every one of them was closed. There was another lady also looking puzzled so I pushed my trolley down to the self checkout area where a member of staff was on duty. I asked if someone could open a checkout for me but was told to go to the “under twelve items” till. It’s not very convenient as there is no conveyor belt to put your things on but I started loading things onto the small area next to the till. There was a young lady at the till who didn’t speak to me just started scanning my shopping and throwing them into my bags. It was as well I didn’t have eggs on the list as they would have been well scrambled by the time I had got home. The lady never looked at me once during the time she was scanning my shopping and just told me how much it had all come to, I scanned my flybuys card and asked if there was $10 to take off which I knew there was and she muttered the new amount. I tapped my card on the reader and put in my PIN number, loaded my bags into the trolley and left. Apart from the total lack of customer pleasantries the most disappointing thing was under the name on her badge it said “Store Manager” what an example she was setting to the rest of her staff! A total lack of customer service.

After dropping off the shopping at home and getting changed I headed for the doctors. It wasn’t my usual GP’s today it was Broadwater medical centre which is only a short distance from our house. I parked the car and went inside. I was greeted with a smile from the receptionist who said “hello, how can I help you” I gave her my name and who I was there to see, she checked I was on the list and asked me to take a seat, the doctor wouldn’t be long. Now as I’ve mentioned before, I won’t ever complain about waiting for my turn with the doctor even when they are running a long way behind as I have often been the reason they are running late and know how truly blessed I am by the way I am looked after. My turn duly came and I was indeed very well cared for as usual, I had a lovely heartfelt hug before leaving the office and returned to the reception. The same lady greeted me with a smile again and confirmed my name, carried out the financial transaction seemlessly and I made two further appointments. The whole experience was perfect, I didn’t have to wait either time at the reception and I was dealt with in a warm caring way, my appointments were put on a card for me and as I left the receptionist said “enjoy the rest of your day” now that wasn’t too hard was it? The only disappointing thing is I can’t seem to find a place to leave a review as I believe good service should be rewarded or at least recognised, rest assured I have complained about the incident at Coles, not that I think I will get a reply but I felt better about it.

Admittedly there was some improvising but the first night in our new house in Nannup went very well. As there is no electricity and no plumbing yet going to the bathroom in the middle of the night (which I do several times!) meant a walk over to the shed but with the help of an extension cable or two we were able to have plenty of light. What did strike us both was the serene quietness inside the house and the fact that it retained some of the heat from the day even when the temperature outside dropped significantly. All that extra insulation and the double glazing has certainly made a difference. Pre-dinner drinks on the front verandah with our very good friend Bernie was special too. The barbie was then wheeled out and brought to life, I don’t think it has been used for over a year but it lit first go and worked a treat. Lamb chops, chicken and salad was the main course and it was thoroughly enjoyed by all.

Had things been different I’m sure the house would have been finished months ago but when we started clearing the building envelope just over two years ago my transitioning to Stephanie was not even on the horizon. As much as we have had some help with the heavy work and in particular the gyprock and flushing we have done the majority of the work and it was with an enormous amount of pride that we settled down to sleep last night. There is still much to do but we spent the weekend assembling the kitchen cabinets so as soon as the electrician has been they can be fixed in position. That in itself was an achievement, there were no bits missing, everything went together pretty easily and more importantly Denise and I are still friends!

On a progress note, earlier this month I traveled to Perth to see my gender specialist. Despite his total lack of a filter I like the guy a lot, he tells it like it is and has been very good to me. In fact if not for him I would probably still be doing my two years living in my preferred gender before being given my letters of recommendation to proceed to surgery so I have a lot to thank him for. He clearly couldn’t last the whole appointment without some sort of unfiltered comment and his latest was in relation to the swelling which is still very tender in my mons area, he told me that it was most likely a fat pocket and perhaps I should try loosing some weight! Now I know I have put on a couple of kilos over the winter as most of us do but I did think it a little harsh to say the least. However, not being one to pay for advice and ignor it I am doing as I was told, I had already made the decision to lose some before the summer and am happy to report that I have shed just over three kilos so far. I would like to get down to the early seventies as I did in 2012 but will see how it goes.

On Friday evening Denise and I attended a function for the managers and partners of the company that Denise works three days a week for. It was to be held at a venue quite close to us and as one of her colleagues lives in Margaret River Denise asked her and her husband to stay the night with us. Denise isn’t drinking at the moment so she volunteered to drive the four of us back to ours when the event had ended. The bosses wife had opted to go on to another venue to continue her evening so the boss ended up joining us as well. Denise had made a pavlova and her colleague had brought a cheese platter so desert was well catered for. Once home we chatted late into the night in fact into the early hours of the morning before going to bed and the evening had been an extremely enjoyable event with lots of good people.

We woke just after 7am as there were voices in the kitchen. As I was on scrambled egg duty we got up and set to work cooking a breakfast of bacon, mushrooms, toast and of course my legendary eggs, all washed down with coffee or tea and all was well with the world. The boss left first and others shortly after but before they left there was more chatting to be done. Denise was talking to the husband and me to her colleague when it happened, she turned to me and said her husband had told her that had he not had prior knowledge of the fact that I am transgender he wouldn’t have guessed! Honestly there is nothing better that anyone could say to me, I was thrilled to say the least. Coupled with the fact that another one of the managers at the event whom I have known for around seven years but have only recently reconnected with said both he and his wife thought I made a very elegant lady, I felt thoroughly humbled. I have known for years that I was on the wrong side but whenever I thought about transitioning one of the main things that stopped me was the belief that I would never be able to pass as a female, how wrong I was!

So the last few weeks have been challenging both physically and mentally and for some reason yesterday was a very bad day. If it hadn’t been for three lovely ladies it could well have been even worse.  I had a hug and lots of positive energy from my favourite checkout lady in Coles, spent a very enjoyable three hours being pampered by the wonderful Linny and of course had the evening with the love of my life Denise all of which tipped the balance and I went to bed in a fairly positive mood.

This morning I got up, had a quick breakfast and headed to Nannup to put another coat of paint on the ceilings. The forecast for the day was not good so I thought I would be better occupied over there than at home where I could easily have got into a depressed state. I hate rain! Over the last twelve years I have traveled the road to Nannup countless times and know every bend and bump and I know where it’s safe to overtake and where it’s not. Now I appreciate that I was lucky enough to be taught to drive by an ex police tactical pursuit driver back in the late eighties and I haven’t forgotten anything he thought me but this morning I encountered a classic example of someone who had no concept of who else was on the road. It was something that Peter instilled into me, always know what the car in front and the car behind is, how fast they are traveling and expect the driver to have no idea you are there. I was not in any kind of hurry this morning, it was raining and I was nursing the car a little bit as there was less than quarter of a tank on board and as much as I knew I would get there and back with ease you just never know what you might encounter. I could see I was gaining on this particular Toyota Hilux and I could also see in the distance that we were both gaining on a truck which appeared to be traveling quite slowly. I thought to myself we are both going to come up behind the truck at exactly the same moment which we did. From further back I could see the road ahead was clear, checked my mirror, indicated and pulled out to go past them both. I might ad that I had headlights on so was very visible. Just as I started to pass the Hilux the driver just started to pull out, no signal, no mirror check, I sounded my horn to let him know I was there, he must have had the fright of his life to see his mirror full of Volkswagen Amarok coming up beside him, he braked and pulled back in behind the truck which was turning left so had slowed even more then made some sort of gesture at me as I went past. Seriously what is wrong with some drivers? If I had been on a motorbike he would probably have knocked me off. So here is the real rant! All we hear is that “speed kills” and we should all slow down, when are the authorities going to get it that it isn’t speed which kills people it’s badly educated drivers, drivers who don’t pay attention and drivers who are distracted. When you think about it there aren’t many skills or qualifications which don’t require regular training and refreshing, how is driving a car any different? Cars have changed enormously over the last twenty years, they are quicker, and thankfully safer but all you need is a  driver not paying attention and it doesn’t matter how safe the car is there will still be crashes. While I am on the subject, some of the safety features on new cars are truly amazing but do we really need a buzzer to go off if we don’t steer a path between the white lines? Isn’t that and lots of the other features adorned by most new cars taking away the responsibility of driving and encouraging people to rely on them instead of being alert and in control? Just saying?

Those who know me well know of my relationship with my osteopath Annette, without her I would not be the person I am today. It wasn’t something she did in terms of her osteopathic talent which by the way is immense,  it was just an act of kindness which put me in touch with a GP who quite simply made the difference, sent me to all the right people and wouldn’t give in until she had got to the bottom of my oestrogen issue and the rest as they say is history.

Quite out of the blue during an appointment with Annette she mentioned that there is now a holistic GP practicing in Busselton and if I ever got to the stage where I perhaps needed a different approach then it might be a good idea to see her. Now I am very happy with the GP I am seeing, she has been above and beyond with me on many many cases including sending emails to me at nine pm on a Saturday evening which blew me away to think that she was in turn thinking about me at that time of the day or week. Anyway with my recent visit to hospital and the several backwards steps I seem to have made in the last month I though perhaps I have nothing to lose. I looked on the net to find which practice she operated out of and gave them a call. I told the receptionist that I had been recommended to see this particular person and could I make an appointment, she said there is quite a wait and offered me one at the end of September. I replied if that is the first available then it will be fine, she then asked me if I would like to go on her cancellation list which I did, thanked her and ended the call. A few minutes later my phone rang and it was the same receptionist to tell me she had just had a cancellation on the 15th and would I like it. I said that would be perfect and thought how lucky I had been.

So on the 15th I had the pleasure of meeting the lady, as I have said before I never mind waiting to see a doctor if they are running late, it usually means they care and don’t treat patients as numbers and this was no different. It was probably half an hour before I went in but wow, was she worth waiting for. I was immediately struck by the sense of calm around her and how lovely and friendly she was to me even though she didn’t know me from a bar of soap. I had decided to write a sort of “story so far” letter for her so I didn’t have to explain who and what I am and how I got here. She thanked me and read it thoroughly, there was the odd nod and wow and I immediately knew it had been the best way to explain why I was there and she immediately got it. She asked lots of questions, I on the other hand probably didn’t ask enough but there will be another opportunity to do that in the future. There was an empathy about her which I felt straight away and I knew she understood where I am at and had a plan to help, which, when I think about it is all I can hope for. The holistic part is without doubt for me a leap of faith but it is so obvious how much Annette helps that I think it’s something that I can work with. The very first time I met Annette she asked me to lay on the bed and put her hands around my neck and proclaimed “wow, what’s going on with your left knee” I asked her how she knew as I wasn’t limping but did indeed have a big problem with it when in bed, she said she could feel it. I was blown away with her as it was probably one and a half metres from her. I’ve been seeing her regularly ever since and I’ve never ever left her clinic feeling anything but better than when I went in which says it all.

So it’s a bit of a watch this space situation but it has given me hope and that is what I need. Just another example of how lucky I am having yet another beautiful person to add to the list of them caring about my wellbeing. A very lucky girl indeed!

After what has been an incredibly challenging week for me I feel I am at the other side of it. Don’t get me wrong I am still in some pain and definitely not my usual self. The fact that I had a dreadful nights sleep last night didn’t help either and to be quite honest I really should be in bed now making up for the very short night I had last night. However, a couple of things happened today which have helped my mental state a great deal, well three actually! one is a very important person with whom I had an appointment this morning. Because I could feel myself slipping into the dreaded downward spiral yesterday with the thoughts of more surgery and everything which goes with it like traveling to where ever the surgeon may be. I’m really over being away from home for long periods, having been out of the country for nineteen weeks since May last year I think that’s a given. I think it’s unlikely that the destination will be Philadelphia as the surgeon there doesn’t seem to be my friend anymore but with very little in the way of options at this side of the country there is bound to be some traveling involved. So I made an appointment with my psychologist, originally for 2.30 this afternoon but she sent me a message to say she had a cancellation and would I like to come at 11 this morning. To say she is a wonderful person is an understatement, the number of times she has brought me back from the brink I have lost count of. She is so kind and caring, always gives me a big hug when I arrive and another before I leave, it means so much to me. She has a way of somehow making me look at things in a different light, she gives me strategies to deal with difficult moments and sent me home today with a mind full of mindfulness which has really helped. The second thing was an incredibly small thing but an act of both kindness and good marketing made my day brighter. I had a script to fill at the pharmacy, I took it to the counter where a lovely lady took it from me and asked if I would wait or come back later. I said I would wait, it gives me a chance to test some different perfumes not that I need any at the moment. While checking what was on offer a lady asked me if she could help. I told her I was waiting for a script and just liked trying new perfumes. She said they had some amazing offers on at the moment on a huge range of things, many had 50% off. I thought about for a few seconds then remembered thinking before I went out this morning that I should really get a new mascara as the one I am using which I bought before I went to England in April has become clumpy. I asked if the one I used was among the ones on offer, a difficult question as I couldn’t remember who makes it just what it’s called. She said I think that is a L’Oréal one, they are down that isle on the left if we have them. I went to look and sure enough there it was, million lashes feline, I took one off the shelf and took it to her counter so she could check that the price had been adjusted and sure enough, $12.50 half price and a bargain so I got two while I was there!

The third and final one is a weird one really, some years ago I bought some miracle tablets off the internet which were supposed to help with stiff joints etc, they weren’t cheap but the website was very convincing and had an offer (as they all do) if you get three bottles, so I did. I can’t say I noticed much difference but took them anyway. The reality is and this is where the good has come out of it, I was by then on their list of email marketing. I did think I would unsubscribe but I started reading the emails the founder of the company sends to me personally. He is called Dr Bereliani and he emails me most weeks and surprisingly most are not trying to sell me anything just a tip here and some advice there and some of his wisdom I have found very useful indeed. So much so that I even wrote to him telling him my story and asking him to change the email address to my new one which he did. The best is yet to come, Dr Bereliani always ends his emails with the same few words and they are classic, today they have just tipped the balance for me and made me feel better. His parting shot is the title of this post so here goes,

To Great Days Ahead!

After a number of very positive posts I have been seriously brought down to earth in the last few days. While my visit to Busselton hospital on Saturday was a positive experience and from it I hoped to move forward, Sunday saw me back on heavyweight painkillers for the first time in three months. It started at 1am in the morning with pain that I have not experienced since very soon after my surgery and to say it scared me is I an understatement. Thankfully I still have the goods to do the job and after about twenty minutes the pain had subsided enough for me to get back to sleep. Sunday was a difficult day with a great deal of pain and the call I received from the doctor at the hospital to tell me that all the tests they had done had come back clear didn’t do much to help as it didn’t explain the pain. Monday I felt that maybe the antibiotics might be helping but there were times of excruciating pain again. Then came Tuesday, I had an appointment to see my GP in the afternoon and following the instructions on the website which I make my GP appointments on I called the surgery fifteen minutes before my appointment to see if the doctor was running on time. I was told she was so made my way there. There were two other people in the waiting room so didn’t think I would be long but thirty minutes went by and as much as it really doesn’t bother me how long I have to wait as I have been the cause of GPs running late dozens of time and I would never complain but I did wonder why I’d been told there was no hold up. Anyway wait I did but I started to feel hot and did my best take my mind off it by engrossing myself in a game on my phone but it got worse and worse and I knew if I didn’t get some air I would be in a heap on the floor. I walked to the door and said to the receptionist on my way out that I was not feeling well, I stood outside the door and took some deep breaths. After a short while I decided to go to my car and get a drink but was starting to feel faint, I made my way to the car and had a drink, it certainly helped so I decided to go back to the waiting room but sadly didn’t get there. I am certainly no stranger to fainting, it’s something that has happened far too often, I don’t usually get much warning but this time I could see it coming. I stood outside the door with my head down and the next thing I could feel myself going down and I was gone. The next thing I remember was the receptionist asking me if I was ok, I came round but couldn’t get up, she called for the nurse and between them they got me into a wheelchair. I was taken to the nurses station and my vital sign were checked, blood pressure sky high, temperature low but very clammy and washed out. All in all not good, after a while the GP came in to see what had happened, the nurse explained what had gone on and the GP told me to stay and she would see me shortly. I messaged Denise to tell her what had happened and she said she was on her way. By the time I got in to see the GP she was there, I had a fairly short appointment and it was decided that I would leave my car there and collect it later when I was feeling better. The long and short of the appointment is that the GP is going to contact a surgeon in Perth to discuss if she can help me as it now seems that further surgery is inevitable. It’s only a matter of who, when and where.