Author: Stephanie

I’m nursing a troublesome back and a sore right knee at the moment, the latter causing me to cut short my evening walk tonight as i see no point in aggravating the situation by walking when it hurts. It is very frustrating as I’ve been to various people, Osteo and Physio and thought after my visit to the second Physio yesterday that we had made some progress but it seems not! However, when I arrived back at the house I decided to have a bath which would hopefully ease it a bit. For me, relaxing in a warm bath laced with Epsom salts, gazing out of the window at the State Forrest which lies at the back of our property watching the flickering flame of a lovely scented candle would have to rate as one of my favourite pastimes. I can’t imagine having a house without a bath in it, it’s an excellent place to meditate (although i have been known to fall asleep during meditation!) and feel at one with yourself.

We have decided to call our house in Nannup “The Bird House” for various reasons which i’ll leave you to work out for yourselves! It is so relaxing here, as we sit in the living area the only audible sounds are me typing and Bella snoring! Even she loves it here, there must be so many new smells to take in (and kangaroo poo to roll in occasionally!!) she is very at home now after a bit of a shaky start when she wouldn’t venture far from the car in case we left her here. We bring her along every weekend and it’s almost like she knows what day it is and gets ready to jump in the back of the car. Hopefully we don’t have any bushfires like the devastating ones in  Victoria and New South Wales as even though we have done all we can to prevent damage I don’t think anything would stop fires like those and we wouldn’t stay and defend anyway. All material things are replaceable but human life is not so we would leave in plenty of time. Obviously we are lucky to have somewhere else to go. It would be devastating to lose it after all the work and love we have put into it but I suppose bushfires are one of the risks you have to take when you buy a property like this!

Four years ago today i sat in a specialist’s office in West Perth and listened while he explained what had happened to me during the first few weeks of my life. He went to great lengths to explain Intersex, how it happens and how i had been modified. Before i left his office he asked me if i was ok with what he had told me, in truth i don’t think it hadn’t sunk in but he told me to seek help if i was struggling and that he could organise some help if needed. I felt as though my world had just been turned upside down and couldn’t even talk to Denise about it at first. The torment got worse and worse over the next 9 months and i came to the conclusion that the only way to end the torment would be to end my life. Thankfully Denise rescued me and gave me a reason to stay alive. Looking back, what I didn’t realise at the time was it was the beginning of the biggest journey of my life, it provided me with the answers that had eluded me for over 40 years and a chance to be the person i always knew i should have been. But it was a close call! For this reason i have had a very thoughtful day, the highlight of it being Denise’s work Christmas party. There were so many lovely people there, some i know well, some not so well and some i met for the first time including a guy who has recently joined the company. Denise introduced me to him and we got talking straight away, he told me he was originally from Northern Ireland and we talked about the troubles there when he was growing up and the problems the area faces with Brexit. He then asked about me and my history and how i came to be in WA and especially Busselton. I was sure he would either of heard or figured out that i am trans but thought i better clarify, he was shocked! In fact, completely shocked! I gave him a very brief version of my story and showed him the photo of Robin which i keep in my purse. He congratulated me and said he would never have guessed in a million years, the best compliment i can ever receive!

2019 has had it’s share of challenges but it has also had a very major success. I know i have already covered it briefly in earlier posts but it has had such a profound effect i am going to cover it more thoroughly. After a difficult beginning to the year when i was in constant pain which really came to a head while we were in New Zealand it was suggested that i have an MRI to hopefully show what was causing all the pain. It revealed, (according to the person writing the report after having a phone conversation with me to explain how gender reassignment surgery works) an excessive amount of erectile tissue left from the surgery just pushed under the skin in front of my pubic bone. I sent the report to Kathy, the surgeon in Philadelphia for her thoughts. We then had a skype conversation about it. She explained that the surgery is not an exact science and that it’s a very fine line between leaving too much and it being a problem and taking too much away and not having any sensation there. She urged me to look at all other options first but would remove it if necessary. I was recommended by one of the GPs i see to go to a surgeon in Perth who said he could help but he was not very forthcoming, my endocrinologist suggested a guy in Melbourne who is a transgender surgeon but he absolutely turned me down flat. All this left me very down indeed, i wrote a blog post all about it. That was until i had my appointment with Dr Sarah Moore. She greeted me with the usual heartfelt hug and once seated she asked me how open minded i was, I replied, I’ll consider anything, what she said next i will remember for a very long time indeed, she said she would like me to try meditation. Now, open minded or not I couldn’t see how this was going to help, before i had chance to speak she said “it won’t take away the pain but it might allow me to have a different relationship with it” I can’t pretend to have understood that back in may but now it just all makes sense. She kindly gave me the contact details of a lady called Sarah Roach who runs Dunsborough womens meditation circle and i agreed to contact her. I have to say at this point that there are very few people who could have convinced me to give meditation a go but Dr Sarah is very convincing and i just knew she wouldn’t suggest something without believing it was the best for me. I sent an email to Sarah Roach telling her a bit about my story and awaited a reply. When it came it was just beautiful and i began to think there might be something in it after all. Sarah runs classes on a Tuesday evening so I agreed to go the the next one, i was quite apprehensive, she said there was usually 5 or 6 ladies there but the weather was dreadful and her only attendee that night was me. It was just meant to be, we talked and talked, she taught me some very basic meditation techniques and said she would continue the following week. She also instilled into me that to get any benefit i would need to meditate every day and that the classes were really a way to “keep us honest”. As soon as I entered the house i was struck by the wonderful sense of calm and much of what she taught me made sense but even I didn’t expect the results. Up to that point i had been taking opiate painkillers 5 or 6 days every week for the mons pain,  I can honestly say i have not taken one since for that pain (i have taken the odd one when my back has been really bad but i still have over half a packet left from May! I have described my success many different ways including “unbelievable” but that isn’t correct because it is believable, it’s true, what it has been is unexpected but it has honestly changed my life. Dr Sarah recommended a documentary to me called “The Connection, Mind your body” it is truely inspirational and i would thoroughly recommend every one to watch it. I think it was one of the things which inspired me to meditate. I can also honestly say that i have not missed a single day meditating, at first it was because i was scared that if i did the pain would return but there is so much more to it. Not only has it changed my relationship with the pain, it’s changed my relationship with myself. Tuesday night classes are one of the absolute highlights of my week, i have learned so much and grown in my ability to understand it. I also participated in Dr Sarah’s September Self Care Challenge. Each day she posted a new challenge, some i thought would be very easy indeed like “stop three times during the day and tell yourself you are enough” i said it but didn’t believe it. I think being told a hundred times by my mother “you won’t amount to anything because you won’t go to school” really sunk in and i read something on Facebook the other day which really summed it up. There was a picture of a child crying and the caption said “when you criticise your children continually they don’t stop loving you, the stop loving themselves” well that was me!

So that has been the biggest element of my year, i still feel the pain from time to time but just acknowledge that it’s there and move on without dwelling on it. The whole self care thing is massive and I’m sure I’m only scratching the surface so watch this space!

There have been other successes this year also including the progress of the house in Nannup, we go there every weekend and i must confess i have dropped the ball a little lately in terms of doing the little jobs which are needed to finish it but it is so peaceful and relaxing we just love our time there. I have made a little area for meditation in a small clearing in the trees, it’s just perfect. My business has gone really well this year, i have never run out of work and in fact I’m going into 2020 with a good number of jobs outstanding which is pleasing. I love working for the Realestate company, the work is very varied and I don’t get any pressure from them as to when i do jobs which is wonderful.

Some years ago Denise mentioned that she would like to learn to ride a motorbike, to be honest I didn’t think it would happen but when a friend of a friend was selling his Africa Twin I decided to buy it. I’ve had bikes for much of my life and thankfully kept the bike category on my licence when i moved over here. This was enough for Denise to buy herself one and organise some lessons. Sadly the Africa twin fell through so i bought a Suzuki V-Strom which although has a smaller engine is probably more suitable for the time being anyway! I am really enjoying getting back on two wheels, it’s certainly better over here in terms of keeping warm in fact it can quickly get too warm with the protective clothing on but very enjoyable indeed.

This brings me to the last part of my post. I want to say a huge thank you to the people who have looked after me this year, i know just how blessed i am to have these people around me. While I don’t want to single people out i do want to say a special thank you to both Dr Sarah and Sarah Roach. You have both been inspirational this year and made it such a success. In my wildest dreams i would never have thought meditation would be the answer but it has been that and so much more this year. Lots of other people have contributed to getting me on the right track and keeping me there especially my rock, soulmate and best friend Denise without whom i would just not be the happy and grateful  person i am today.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, stay safe and look forward to seeing you in the next decade!

Stephanie xx

For some reason last week was a challenging one. Meditation class has now become one of the highlights of my week but last week it brought back lots of painful and unhappy memories of my childhood and I don’t know why. Even seeing ‘H’ my wonderful psychologist on Wednesday didn’t fully stop the downward spiral on which i was heading. She has been amazing in giving me strategies to work with which in most cases have worked a treat and stopped the rot but it was certainly persistent last week.

Thankfully, at the weekend i turned a corner and got myself back on the right track but it served to remind me that difficult times are only a few steps away. As usual Denise was there to get me through it and spending much of the weekend at our beautiful hideaway in Nannup helped a great deal. There were more things to plant, a sizeable tree to dispose of and thankfully some relaxation time and time for us. It is so peaceful there.

H said to me during my session that she doubts that i will ever fully come to terms with the issues regarding my parents as they remain very raw but spent some time looking at different ways of handling things when they rear their head which was very useful. The problem in this case was that i didn’t really understand why they had hit me so hard and consequently wasn’t ready for it. The good thing is that I’m getting so much from my meditation and self care that a small blip won’t put me off and I’ll be back at class this week, hopefully in a better place to handle the thoughts which come into my head, acknowledging them but not letting them bother me too much.

Onwards and upwards, Rome wasn’t built in a day and a quick look at the photo i keep in my purse of me in 2011 proves to me how far I’ve come thanks to some wonderful people who have guided me through the last few years.

I know posts have been few and far between lately but life sometimes gets in the way and in general things have been going well.

However, What a busy few days we have had! First it was the Chamber of Commerce Business Excellence awards on Friday and Denise’s work, Arbor Guy, were on the list of nominees. It was a very grand affair and we made the most of it! The event started for us at 1.00 pm when we arrived at the Badger Sett for hair, makeup and champagne. It didn’t disappoint in any way, all five ladies were given five star treatment and the champagne helped us along. After getting into our frocks were picked up at 5.00 pm in a Hummer limo and taken on a scenic tour via Canal rocks for photos to the venue which was The Caves Road Collective. After canapés on the deck we went to our table for dinner and the awards. Arbor Guy picked up the award for the best business with over 11 employees which was very exciting. The dinner was excellent and we danced until midnight when the limo took us back to the Sett. The partying continued back there and we retired in the small hours. I had a job to do the following morning so weren’t able to sleep in but it was an all round excellent evening.

Next on our list was Monday’s drive to Perth to see Suzi Quatro in concert. Suzi was one of my favourites back in the seventies and at 69 still as good if not better. She bounced around the stage like a 20 year old and really entertained us, she’s such a show girl! It was a long night but worth every minute, my ears were still ringing the following morning but we thoroughly enjoyed it.

Fast forward to tonight and my debut into after dinner speaking at the Busselton Rotary club. I have to admit that i was nervous and not really sure what sort of reception i would get but I needn’t have been, it was awesome! There were a couple of moments when i thought my emotions were going to get the better of me but I managed to hold it together, well almost! What a lovely group of people, i sat next to a man I’ve known for a few years and has known me as Robin and Stephanie, he told me that he’d never known anyone command such attention with their story and by the number of people who came to me afterwards and congratulated me (hugs galore and meaningful ones at that from both men and women!) i think i was a hit! I really need to get the book out now to keep the momentum going, I’m not sure i will sleep too much tonight!!!

Some weeks ago i responded to invitation on the Transwest Facebook page by Professor Noah Riseman who is doing a project on transgender people and their journeys. He was looking for candidates in WA to interview and i thought it a good thing to be involved with. I didn’t hear anything for a few weeks so thought it must not have happened. Then I received an email from him apologising for the time it had taken him to organise his trip over from Melbourne where he is based working for the Australian Catholic University. I must confess to being a little confused about the whole idea of a catholic university doing a project on transgender as they are openly opposed to the whole idea, this became more confusing when taking into account he is originally from America and has a Jewish sounding name. However, i was still open to talking to him and I’m really pleased i did.

The interview took place in Perth on Sunday, i had enquired how long he thought it would take, he was a little vague but said he thought two to three hours depending on how much i like to talk!. Now, knowing my propensity to talk especially about my journey i had in mind it would be on the longer side not the shortest and i was right. The recorded interview lasted almost 4 hours and we talked for quite some time both before and after it. He told me a little about the project itself and what he hoped to gain from it in terms of an understanding of how a transgender person’s journey goes and some of the many difficulties we encounter. He wanted to interview people from all states as the facilities and services vary a great deal from state to state. He seemed quite surprised that i had received such amazing care while living in a fairly rural area. We spoke at length about my reasons for firstly having my surgery overseas and secondly for choosing America and Dr Kathy Rumer as my surgeon. The vast majority of people he had interviewed chose Asia for their surgery.

All things considered i felt it had been a very worthwhile thing to be involved in. He gave me details of a couple of other participants who he felt would be good contacts going forward. He also gave me some tips and encouragement regarding the book which were much appreciated.

The other thing i want to mention today is Dr Sarah Moore’s September Self Care Challenge. I am so enjoying the meditation classes which Sarah recommended and am still happy to confirm that meditation, which I practice every single day and have done since attending the Dunsborough womens meditation circle for the first time almost 4 months ago has given me the ability handle the pain resulting from my surgery in a different way. I haven’t needed opiate painkillers since attending my first class and although I don’t fully understand how it works, I don’t need to, it just works for me and I’m very thankful to both Sarah Moore and Sarah Roach who runs the classes

The self care challenge seemed like a very positive next step and although there were some difficult challenges i have thoroughly enjoyed it. Ironically it was some of the seemingly easy challenges which i found the most difficult but it has taught me that self care comes in many different shapes and forms. The big challenge for me will be putting a little time aside each day and continuing the ritual but it doesn’t need to be a long time. Even 5 to 10 minutes is enough to check-in with yourself and re-connect with the inner you. I can’t begin to imagine how much work Sarah put into running it but it has been an real eye-opener for me and I am very grateful indeed for her care.

Just over three years ago i made the biggest and most important decision of my life. It was the end of August 2016 and we were looking forward to a short break in South Australia to celebrate Denise’s 60th. Planning the trip had been a welcome distraction for me as most of it was to be a surprise for her. It was a distraction from the mounting turmoil inside my head caused by the discovery of my true beginnings some eight months earlier, a turmoil which was only heading one way, a way which offered no hope at all. I believe it was the decision which saved me. I was asked some time later by one of the wonderful GPs who have looked after me over the last three years if i felt I’d had any choice in doing what I’ve done. It came after me making the comment that the problems i was having medically at the time were all of my own doing as i had chosen to go down this route. After some thought i said probably not to which she replied “then let’s not dwell on that and find a way to get you well”  I thanked her for her positive attitude and listened to her plan of action.

The word “Choice” has come up a few times since, the most pertinent when my brother told me that he and his wife fully accepted my lifestyle choices. It really said it all to me as believe me, no one would choose to be transgender, it isn’t a choice, it’s the lot we are given to work with for some reason and it’s a tough one.

Having said that, i can honestly say that not for one second have i ever regretted the decision to transition. Right from the start it has been an incredible journey which is still unfolding. Sure there have been many dark moments and lots of forays deep into the uncomfortable zone but in comparison to my former life i am blissfully happy and wouldn’t change a thing. There are a number of people who i am dependant on/attached to who above all have been there for me, I couldn’t have done it without them and I’m incredibly grateful to them. Denise is my ever present rock, hero, best friend and soulmate but above all she is my voice of reason which i need regularly for all sorts of reasons. I owe much of my happiness to her!

I have lots of lovely and interesting things to look forward to. We are heading to a lovely part of Bali tomorrow for a few days, in October I’m the guest speaker at the local Rotary club and I’ve just been invited to take part in a project being undertaken by a professor from the ACU studying transgender people in Australia and the ways they have confronted both internal and external struggles to express their identities amidst changing social norms. This should prove very interesting indeed. Also my book is progressing slowly and i hope to have it published by the end of the year. So lots going on, I’ll keep you all posted!!!

For a number of reasons the last few weeks have been tough. I seem to have had several battles going on inside my head which have taken their toll. I have resisted writing a post until i think i have reached the bottom and am successfully on the way back up and can thankfully say the last two days have been better. I had a visit to H, my lovely psychologist this week who as always was the voice of reason and talked me through various strategies which I’m sure have helped a great deal.

The subject of my parents and how they handled/dealt with/didn’t deal with my intersex beginnings is still very raw even though i thought i had successfully placed it in a compartment in my head which was secure and would no longer affect me. The reality of it is that it will most likely always be there so i need to find a way to deal with it better when it reappears so I don’t get bogged down by it. One of the things i am doing to try and help is taking part in a “September self care challenge” which is being run by my very caring GP. Self care was not something which even came close to my radar until about three months ago when i was introduced to meditation to try and help with my physical pain. The success of which i have written about previously and I’m very happy to report that it is still doing the job even though i must confess that I can’t even begin to understand how. To be honest I don’t mind not understanding it, it works so why question it? I am convinced i am only just scratching the surface of how powerful the mind is and I’m hoping that the September challenge will further my education.

the challenge involves setting aside some time every day for self care and I’m hoping to complete all 30 activities on the calendar supplied (i am blown away by the work that my GP has put into this!) The activities range from various forms of meditation to digital detox days and dancing to your favourite dance song (hopefully with no one watching!!!) and I’m really excited about getting started especially with our short break to Nusa Lembongan just a few days away. This should be the perfect place for some thoughtful time and my next post will most likely be from there. Watch this space!

If someone had asked me three months ago what i thought self care was all about i would probably have talked about eating well, being active and being careful how much alcohol and caffeine i consumed. These are important elements but now i have a whole different take on it and it starts with looking after where your head is and being kind to yourself as well as others. I would never have believed the difference it has made to my life and actually my world. I know i have already spoken about no longer being dependent on opiate painkillers which in itself is a truly wonderful thing but there is so much more to it than just that.

It might allow you to have a different relationship with the pain my GP said as she watched the sceptical look on my face. The fact is it is so much more than that, i think it has given me a different relationship with myself. Somehow the path forward is now more clear and i have dealt with a number of things which have been bothering me for some time. That in itself is a major step forward, my relationship with my beautiful partner Denise has never been stronger, we are de-stressing the house and hopefully in the process de-stressing our lives a little. We are making our property in Nannup a place of real peace and tranquility, we were there on Sunday and i was struck by the silence apart from the sound of the birds. We have identified several areas which we would like to make into meditation areas, the way the light streams through the trees makes for some really beautiful spots.

I have always made a point of showing my gratitude to the wonderful people who care for me medically and there have been a good number over the last few years but I’m still humbled by how well i am cared for and know how lucky i am.

Last week i had my first ever Reiki session, i can tell you with absolute certainty that it won’t be my last! It was amazing. I think it was made even better because i had no idea what to expect, it certainly left me with some questions which is no bad thing but it’s all part of my journey into discovering the real Stephanie Vaughan and moreover me reaching my full potential. I know i have a long way to go to reach that.

Life is good and it’s only going to get better! As always, thank you to all concerned both now and throughout my journey, talking of which, it is almost three years since i made the decision to become the person i always knew i should be. It started on our regular evening walk with Bella our beautiful Kelpie-Shepherd at the junction of Falcon Drive and Hadfield Avenue and has been a roller coaster of a ride ever since. It was there that Denise said to me “if you want to transition, i will support you” truly the most selfless sentence ever spoken! I’ve almost lost count of the number of beautiful people who have assisted me in one way or another in that time but i know most have given me far more time than they should. Quite what i ever did to deserve this i have no idea, i just hope that in one way or another i can repay it in some way. xxx

It’s now over ten weeks since i started meditating and the same length of time since i felt the need to take an opiate painkiller. To say i am over the moon about it is a huge understatement, I didn’t realise how bad they were making me feel until i stopped taking them. The thing is, there is so much more to meditation and I’m only just scratching the surface but learning every day. I can honestly say i have not missed a day since my first visit to the Dunsborough women’s meditation circle, it may not be for very long, often only 10 to 15 minutes but somehow it’s doing the trick and I’m slowly getting better at it.

My GP said it would allow me to have a different relationship with the pain and to be honest I didn’t really understand what she meant but ten weeks on and i think i now get it. The pain is probably still there (the swelling certainly is!) but i can now acknowledge it but not let it get in the way. The mind is such a powerful thing if you are open minded enough to give it a try, I’m not sure i would have been a few years ago but the whole transition thing has certainly opened my eyes to a lot of things.

Tomorrow i am trying something else new, I’m having a Reiki session, Denise had one a couple of weeks ago and said she felt it worthwhile so I’m giving it a go. I’ll report at a later date my thoughts on how it went. I’m certainly looking forward to it!

Watch this space!!!

So today the little altercation i had with my angle grinder last week took a turn for the worse. My finger was swollen when i got up this morning but i had a busy day planned so wasn’t going to let it get in the way. Sadly it got worse and by 2pm my hand was starting to look like a football. I knew Denise had an appointment for a skin check so asked her to ask at the surgery reception if there was any chance of me seeing a doctor as it was obviously infected. The answer was a definite yes, tell her to come in so i quickly tidied up at the painting job I’m currently doing and made my way to the surgery. I had hardly got through the door when i was greeted by name by one of the receptionists and asked to go down to the treatment room at the end of the corridor. Once there i was seen almost straight away by a lovely nurse called Kate who carefully took off the dressing and inspected the wound, gave it a clean up then went to get a doctor to look at it. Within a couple of minutes she returned with a doctor who was equally lovely. He had a good look and after some discussion came up with a strategy. He wanted me to have an X-ray to make sure there is nothing sinister going on in the bone and gave me a prescription for some antibiotics. By this time Denise had finished her appointment and came in to join us so we left together and made our way to the hospital for the x-ray.

Once again we were seen almost straight away, booked in and asked to take a seat. A few minutes later a young lady opened the door opposite where we were sitting and called my name. The X-ray took only a few minutes and we were done, back into the car and to the pharmacy to get the prescription filled. It was all so instant, you could not have asked for better service in any way and it left me realising how lucky we are in our part of the world to have such amazing healthcare. Yes, i know we pay for it (my only cost today was the prescription!)  but it’s a small price to pay for such a wonderful service. As one of my best friends in the UK works in a doctors surgery i know how different a story it is there, it might be free but it is so overstretched that just getting to see a GP is much more difficult than here so i know which system i prefer. A huge thank you to all at Broadwater Medical Centre, you look after me in such a kind and compassionate way!