Today was the long drive down to our favourite place, Esperance! 725kms journey but all very easy and enjoyable. The drive was made better by Denise reading to me, we just about finished the book conundrum!
Jan Morris’s transgender story, I have to say the first half of the book I found very hard work and quite boring, the second half was quite the opposite, so many similarities to my journey and an ending which only reinforces my view that I am doing the right thing in transitioning, it would be so wrong to take it to my grave!. We arrived at My second cousin’s about 4, right on schedule and immediately loved the place, sitting on 42 acres overlooking the sea even if it is several kms away, it’s beautiful, they built it themselves about 20 years ago, even made all the bricks themselves!, there’s not a sign of any paint or render in the whole house, just raw brick, wood and metal. Thursday night was very enjoyable, lovely dinner with the perfect “sit round the table and chat” til bedtime!.
Author: Stephanie
Lots of visitors for Boxing Day
Today is Boxing Day! A trip to the block and a visit by Chris, Alison and Alisha to check it out and have lunch in town, then a visit by Bernie with her niece then a visit by wassa and Emma from next door who came armed with a six pack which is always dangerous! This was followed by a visit to their house, more beer and for some reason I decided to tell them my story, wassa had after my teaser about a month ago when I told them I had a story I would share with them already decided that I was going to transition which in the scheme of things was a very good guess, Emma on the other hand had checked me out on google but found only my Facebook page. They were suitably shocked when I admitted it though, really supportive and just lovely and as i am finding, people then put two and two together and get all the little hints I have been dropping recently. We watched the animated video of the surgery which created a few gasps but is great at explaining what happens and we left after being invited for dinner again but I have to go as Stephanie! Which of course I will love!!!, I can’t wait to pull up outside their house and get out of the car in my best dress!.
The only other highlight of the day was a call from Robert, he just wanted to say how much he admires me for my courage and if there is anything he or Margaret can do we just need to ask! I was completely blown away by him, I always thought it would be a tough job telling him in the first place but that went really well yesterday but for him to call me today was totally above and beyond my wildest thoughts so ended the day on a lovely high.
A busy Christmas day
Today is Christmas Day! The day started very slowly, I think we have had so many late nights that we slept in until about 8 which was lovely. The first job was to open our cards, Denise first, two from Robin, one from Bella, one from Tilly and Baloo and one from Stephanie. Then my turn, two from Denise and one each from Bella, Tilly and Baloo. I love cards, I love choosing them and I love writing in them and giving them, we had quite an emotional time afterwards and a long embrace, this is after all my last Christmas as Robin!. Breakfast was chocolate cake and cream in bed! Very enjoyable! Then make a start on preparing for Christmas lunch with Margaret and Robert at 3 pm, it was going to be a big one and after the first course I planned to tell Robert my story, it went perfectly and although he was shocked he was visibly sympathetic and after the brief outline and telling him about Stephanie he got up from his chair and gave me a long hug, it was a very heavy moment but I was so happy! I have been dreading telling him and had spent the previous hour and a half trying to guess his mood but it went so well, Denise and Margaret also gave me big hugs and I felt much loved, the best feeling anyone could have on Christmas Day. The next 40 minutes was spent elaborating on the main story and there were lots of surprised looks and sympathy, not that I want sympathy, I think I have been given an amazing opportunity to shine and personally can’t wait to have the surgery and be Stephanie.
The rest of the day was spent speaking to various people in various areas of the uk, mum and Peter, Geoff and Polly, Edwin and Fliss and family, all were lovely to see, pity it takes Christmas to speak to them all but it’s better than nothing. The good news which came out of skyping with fliss was that she is coming over late January which means I will be able to tell her face to face which will be much better and easier. By this stage it was midnight and we were bushed and went to bed happy!.
My favourite dress arrives
So, its Christmas Eve, I’m not a fan of Christmas and think it should be changed to every 4 years but I guess that’s never going to catch on.
My day started with a text from Nick, he asked if he could come round for a chat as he needed to talk and talk we did, for almost 3 hours, he is a great friend and I feel honoured that he is able to talk to me. We have a very common interest in cars which from the start I knew we would get on well, he is very “Volkswagen minded” like me so we find lots to discuss.
Denise came home from work about 12.15 and we went into town again, a little more shopping for us both then home to get ready for Jessie coming round for afternoon tea. It’s always lovely to see Jessie, I think the world of her and we have a very special bond, she had brought my dress, I was so excited and couldn’t wait to try it on, it was perfect, the fit was amazing and it felt wonderful on and looked amazing as well. We sat and talked and had a lovely couple of hours, she brought some home made cookies as well which were lovely.
Well tomorrow is Christmas Day, I’m not a fan of Christmas but the knowledge that in 24 hours it will be almost over for another year I guess I’ll manage.
Two more positive people told
Today was always going to be a difficult one, town was heaving! We had shopping to do but only after an early drive to Nannup to check on progress at the shed a pay Hamish. The shed is looking great, there is quite a lot for me to do and I’m excited about it, lots of new experiences which will be good for the house build as well. Denise had an appointment with Linny at 11 so we drove back, had a coffee and off she went, I did some jobs around the house until she got back then we headed into town to do some shopping, it was manic! Anyway we got what we needed to and came home, it was warm, 32 degrees and quite humid which takes it out of me so we made the salads for our visit to Chris and Alison’s then went for a quick nap before we needed to get ready, as is usually the case, when we woke up we both felt “stoddy” and I just knew we weren’t going to be there on time, still we were only 15 mins late and in the scheme of things it’s no big deal but I don’t like being late!!. Tonight was the night for telling them about Stephanie! I have stressed about it for ages but it went really well, Alison had already figured it out but let me tell my story then gave me the biggest hug and told me that nothing would change, they were there if one or both of us wanted to talk and they loved us both, it was such a relief, they are probably two of my closest friends and it would have hurt if they had been negative about it, we had the most wonderful meal, talked a great deal and left feeling very full but happy.
Christmas is getting closer, more people to tell
So to Thursday, I was going to Nannup to start ply lining the shower area but I had things to do here and decided against going, we have to go on Friday to pay Hamish so will take a look then and decide when to do the work over Christmas. Most of the day was spent trying to sort out the reticulation, a job I hate, I had some success but it’s still not right at the front and I can see me digging much of it up and replacing the pop ups with gear drive ones which need to be deeper but it’s the only way I think I can get full coverage. I spoke with Chris, it didn’t do me much good as he is concerned about telling Their daughter whatever it is I have to tell her so that upset me, then I spoke to Margaret, that made me worse as I understand how hard it is for her knowing about me but not being able to discuss it with Robert, the plan is to tell him on Sunday, Christmas Day is probably not the best day for it and I feel I am being rushed in telling him but can see Margaret’s position is a difficult one, anyway we will see how it goes.
Anyway, to dinner, we were entertaining David for dinner and it was to be my first occasion dresses as Stephanie with people, it went amazingly well, he was not shocked and complemented me on how I looked, I was however a little taken a back when he kissed me! I guess it’s something I will get used to!! We had a lovely evening, David and his family are the most amazing people and I love them all dearly!.
Delicate discussions
Today I went over to the block again to check on progress, I drove over in just a vest top and shorts, it was going to be a hot one! On arriving in Nannup I decided to pay a visit to the toilets and chose the ladies as I was dressed accordingly, I didn’t see anyone, there were people around doing various maintenance but no one close enough to give me a second look. After visiting the plumbers, answering a few questions and taking some progress photos I spent a little time sorting to caravan then headed home, again via the ladies!, my confidence is building day by day!. I decided when I got home to get changed and call in to see Alison, she is like a sister to me, like the sister I never had but longed for, I really want to tell her and Chris but don’t know how to and how to handle their 14 year old daughter, I personally think she would be fine with it but want it to be their decision as to who actually tells her. Anyway we had a good chat stood under a tree on the road side, we didn’t just talk about me, we discussed her mum whom I know well and her brother who I know even better and have done since I was twelve. The decision was that she would talk to Chris and then to the daughter and ask if she wanted to be part of the discussion, anyway we are having dinner with them on Friday so will see how it goes, these are the most difficult people I have had to tell up to now, I so desperately don’t want to upset the friendship I have with Chris, I’m sure Alison will be fine but time will I suppose tell!.
Not an exciting day but one day closer!
Today I went over to the block to see the plumbers to answer any questions and maybe start on the lining of the shower area and maybe fit the shower base, it soon became obvious that there wasn’t a great deal I could do while they were there so left about 10.30. I had plenty of jobs to do around the house so wasn’t too bothered about coming home. I had on my mind to visit Alison at work but somehow time got away and never got round to it. The rest of the day was uneventful!
Busy but great day
What a day! Today has been a day of appointments with one very big milestone! It started with my weekly piano lesson with David, always an enjoyable experience and today was no exception, we covered “what a wonderful world” then looked at “I hope you dance” which we will work on further next time. Then came my 7th appointment with Hayley, this time I had lots to discuss including my planned surgery, my realisation that my journey is a massive opportunity which far out ways the negative side of the last forty plus years and we discussed Jessie and my relationship with her and how important it is to me. Next came coffee with my best friend Chris, back from Europe for Christmas and how I wish he wasn’t going away again in January!. After lunch came the milestone, I decided to go to my speech therapy lesson as Stephanie, my first outing in daylight fully dressed as a female and I can’t tell you how much it meant to me, Leah was amazing! She complemented me on how I looked which was a big confidence boost and I felt just so comfortable. Leah is a really lovely person who is so obviously enjoying being part of my journey and is putting so much into my lessons. After driving home I went to see a potential house painting job with would be great to get even if I would rather be building at Nannup then out for dinner with Bernie and a view to telling her but when we arrived there were 4 settings at the table and she announced that her house mate would be joining us, a lady called Cindy who we had not met before but really nice so after dinner I decided to tell my story, there were shocked to say the least even said “you’re joking aren’t you ” at first but after I assured them I wasn’t I told them the full story are they were both interested and supportive which in general is how everyone has been up to now, I know that will not be true of everyone I tell, there are going to be those who have an opinion and won’t be supportive, hopefully I will have gained enough confidence to handle those people and if they no longer want to be part of my life then I have to look at it as their loss not mine.
Dress to kill
This morning was a time to catch up on some chores around the house! Three loads of washing, the associated ironing, change the bed etc, I chose to do this as Stephanie, heels and all, put eye shadow and liner on and plenty of lipstick! Then for the dress, I chose one of Denise’s as of all the dresses I have worn it has to be my favourite. Before putting it on I decided to choose a different bra from the drawer, as I rummaged through the various styles I found my red and black teddy, I haven’t worn it for ages, probably years! So I put it on and to my amazement it fitted so well, didn’t feel sharp around my bits and looked stunning so I put the dress on and my black heels to finish the job and felt incredibly feminine and even a little sexy. It was a bit over the top for doing my chores but worth it. Denise arrived home at 11.45 and brought Margaret in with her, I think it was a mixture of shock and amazement but she did take a double take when she saw me, made some comments about how thin I was then gave me a hug as usual. Hopefully we are spending Christmas Day with them and hopefully here, I really want to tell Robert about my journey, I feel it’s very unfair asking Margaret to keep it a secret from him so will aim to tell him on Christmas Day, after lunch of course, I would hate to spoil it!
We went across to Nannup this afternoon to take the plywood sheets and shower parts and to fill the holes behind where the shower is going with silicone so it is fully dry by the time the plumber arrives on Tuesday/Wednesday, it was a frustrating job but we managed it eventually, far from ideal but it will do the job I feel.