Author: Stephanie

With less than 40 hours before my surgery I can feel the sense of anticipation rising! We decided to have some retail therapy today and drove to Franklin mill shopping Mall.  We arrived a few minutes before it officially opened but the doors were open and we needed coffee. After a short walk we found a Starbucks and as much as they will never be my favourite coffee shop, needs must and it was the only thing open at the time. Franklin mill is a massive place and we didn’t really know where to start so just took pot luck and went into the first big store we could find which happened to be Burlingtons and it wasn’t too bad at all, we found numerous items to try on and headed for the fitting rooms to try them on, most of them fitted well but we went to see what else was available and eventually came across the dresses area. Now dresses are something I am certainly not short of but being from Yorkshire, can’t resist a bargain and what a bargain we found, a size 12 dress, floral in shades of jade, I loved it as soon as I saw it, I picked two others up, a plain very bright yellow one and a white one with orange and pink flowers on it, they all fitted really well but I decided I wouldn’t wear a bright yellow dress and Denise didn’t care for the white one so I was happy to take just the jade one and love it. Sadly shoes were not as successful as dresses, there were very few big enough and what I thought would have been just didn’t fit so we came away empty handed in the shoe department, we had lunch and headed home, tough job this shopping!

It’s Nise here – I have been granted an occasional invitational spot in this blog.  Hope you don’t mind.  It’s hard to believe it’s  nearly a week since we left Perth but as Stephanie has said, the time has passed quickly and we are now down to counting the hours…  As she won’t be able to drive after surgery we made the decision that I would be the driver for the duration of the trip.  Now anyone who knows Steph will know how hard that is for her – she likes to be steering!  You will also know what I mean when I say that I don’t know what is more stressful – driving in a city that we don’t know, on the wrong side of the road or having her as a co-driver!!  However I must be truthful, with the help of Google maps we have always got to where we wanted to go and she isn’t gripping the seat as often.  Shopping today was very enjoyable and we have ended up buying a number of “common” tops. That’s not to say they aren’t posh, just that we can share them – bonus!  We were however very disappointed with Walmart – having seen the photos on Facebook we thought we were in for some entertainment but sadly everyone was appropriately dressed 😄 Sitting with our feet up now before we head out for our walk and to pick up some dinner.  This will be the last time Steph eats until after her operation – prep begins in earnest tomorrow.

So my surgery is just a few days away, I have started my preparation medication today and there is lots more to do before Tuesday, we walked into town this morning to get a few things, ended up in Starbucks for coffee and cake of course, very enjoyable! When we got back there was a message from the hospital to say my surgery has been brought forward to 8am from 12.30 which is excellent news, not just because it is earlier but there will be less time for the excitement of the days events to turn into nervous!

i can’t believe the number of supportive emails and messages I am receiving, I have just spent over three hours continually replying to them! I don’t know what I have ever done to deserve the love that I am receiving but it’s very greatfully received. It’s just 63 hours away now, not that I am counting or excited and as I said earlier  I have already started my pre-op medication and there is lots more to do before the day. I am astounded at the lengths which the surgeon and her team go to to ensure the best possible result and the shortest recovery time, they are gorgeous people, so caring I just know I am in the best possible hands.

This brings me to something I have wanted to say for some time, I am totally overwhelmed by the way the medical profession has handled my transitioning. From my GP in Busselton, to the psychologist, the speech therapist, my specialist in Perth, the Endocrinologist and to the team here in Philadelphia, the care, empathy and professionalism have just astounded me and left me feeling humbled and loved, yes I know I have paid for it but so often you don’t get the amount of care you deserve and I guess a lot of it is to do with the people I have been recommended/referred to which goes back to 2012 when I was recommended to see my GP. I didn’t actually have a GP at the time and it was my osteopath who gave me the name of my GP and simply said “this lady will look after you” that has turned out to be the biggest understatement ever, she has been truly amazing and wonderful, has spent much more time with me than I deserve and has never shown anything but kindness to me. They say you reap what you sow, well I can’t remember sowing what I’m reaping at the moment and I will find a way to give back for all I have received!

The clock is ticking and we have much to do before my surgery, we were up early today, beautiful scrambled eggs for breakfast and on our way with a long list of jobs for this morning, the last of which was meeting the surgeon for the first time in person as we have only spoken via Skype. I have psyched myself up for this as part of the meeting I’m sure will be an examination but I need it to happen, I have lots of questions and really need to get a feel for how I will be afterwards. The jobs went well, parking permit, chemist, coffee! And that’s when it all went wrong, I received an email from one of the lovely girls that work for Kathy regarding the payment for the hospital which had been a problem yesterday, now we have this sorted but just haven’t heard back from them telling me that it’s all goood but the disappointing part of the email was that Kathy is not going to be at work today and won’t see me until I am at the hospital on Tuesday, to say I was gutted was an understatement, I so want to talk to her before, she has never seen “what she has to work with here!” What if there is a problem? I will be all prepared for surgery and it will be cancelled! We decided to go to the clinic, I would have been happy for Heather to make sure all was ok but she was busy, Kami and Dawn to the rescue, both were so lovely, Kami phoned Kathy and said Kathy would call me to make sure I was ok with everything, Dawn had explained that she regularly operates on people she has not examined and it not like I have anything radically different or anything but I would just be much more comfortable if she had examined me first. We left a little happier but I my mind I didn’t expect to hear from Kathy and was considering what to do about it. We went to a small supermarket to get a few things then headed home for a late lunch, just as we had finished preparing my phone rang and it was Kathy, very apologetic, assured me all would be good and she was happy to see me on Monday (a public holiday) when we get to the clinic, it was like a weight had been lifted off me, so happy! I have been so impressed by the way I have been looked after, while it is costing a lot of dollars the peace of mind is so important and the lengths we and they are going to to get the best possible outcome from the surgery is incredible and I just know I will be so happy with the end result, one happy Stephanie!

Today we needed to go to the hospital to pay their fees, not a big job I thought, everything had been sorted with the credit card issuers in advance so didn’t think there would be an issue but the card was declined twice, to make matters worse the international help line was continually engaged, not much good if you have an issue! Anyway it’s supposed to have been sorted now, we will go back again tomorrow and try again! The lady there who is looking after it is lovely though, so helpful and kind once again. The weather improved enough so I could have a walk after we had done some shopping, bought a few supplies and a non stick frying pan as the one here is not good for doing my famous scrambled eggs which simply won’t do! Looking forward to trying it out tomorrow!!

Tomorrow also sees my first physical meeting with the surgeon Kathy, I’m presuming she will want to take a look at what she is working with!! Not an exciting prospect but necessary I guess and I will probably need to get used to it as I think the next few weeks will be lacking in dignity as far as people seeing everything I’ve got, or not got as the case will be. I’m not stressed about it as I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life, the surgery is only just over 100 hours away and I just want to get on with it.

Now I don’t usually suffer much from jet lag but 55 hours from leaving Busselton to arriving here has taken a bit of handling! However we had a good nights sleep last night with only one tea break at around 12.30 after hitting the sack some 5 hours earlier.

Today we have woken to a rainy morning but with an improving forecast, I certainly hope so as I didn’t pack a coat! Lots to do today, visit the hospital and pay my dues being one of the jobs then hopefully hit the shopping malls for some retail therapy to add to Stephanie’s wardrobe.

I can see writing posts here being a very positive thing over the next 4 weeks or so and want to thank Suzanne Aston for all her work in setting it up for me, Suzanne you have been an incredible help to me over the last few months and inspirational in getting Stephanie out into the world, thank you for everything, you’re an awesome lady!

Well we have arrived! Very tired as I didn’t sleep much on the second leg for some reason, now the dreaded American immigration to get through, we were towards the front of the queue so didn’t have too long to wait but then a girl who was three people in front of us had an issue, then the immigration guy’s computer went down so we were left standing there for about 20 minutes while he persevered then gave up and went to the next terminal. He asked me why we had applied for B2 visas, I told him I was here for a medical procedure, he stamped our passports and sent us on our way, we collected our luggage and headed for the hire car place. The Dollar rent a car depot was a little way from the airport but the shuttle didn’t take long and we arrived there when it was pretty quiet, we went straight to a desk and were allocated a car, a Nissan Versa, we booked a Focus, at first I was ok with it, I thought it would be like a Pulsar in Australia but when I looked at it I thought it was smaller, put the luggage in the boot and we set about getting the gps to work on my phone. It took longer than we anticipated but while Denise was doing that I decided that the car was not as booked so we went back in the sort a replacement. The lady at the desk was perfect, she suggested a few alternatives but nothing really appealed, I said that we had booked a focus because I was familiar with them, I would have been happy with a corolla if a focus was not available but she mentioned that she had a Kia Soul, I immediately said that would do, it was obviously in a higher band but she was happy to help, great service!

we eventually got the GPS sorted and headed, we thought towards our accommodation, sadly that was not the case and finished up near a navy base, anyway we eventually got going in the right direction and found our accommodation easily, it’s small but ok and will do until we go into the accommodation at the clinic. Talking of which, after having a nice shower we headed off to Ardmore to finally meet the people who have been so kind to me at the clinic, we found it easily and went to the door. Meeting Kami and Heather was just as I expected and hoped, big hugs all round, they seemed as excited to meet me as I was to finally meet them.

It is all very real now, as much as I am not massively concerned about the surgery, all of the talk about the bombing in Manchester and then a I watched a couple of movies which were quite thought provoking I am very emotional at the moment, I just want this so much, more than I have ever wanted anything at all in my life. I know there are going to be some uncomfortable experiences over the next few days and a good deal of pain after the surgery but I so want to be the person I should have been from the start that it’s not important, I have had so much pleasure in the last few months telling the people I love my story that it pales into insignificance in the scheme of things.

 

 

We arrived in Doha right on time, got off the plane then had to sort our accommodation for the 20 hours we were there, a hotel had been booked but through Qatar Airways so we didn’t know which hotel, we were soon sorted and on a shuttle bus to the Concorde hotel, it was a little tired but comfortable and the staff were excellent, we had to ask for more towels as there was only one and then the kettle didn’t work, all sorted out easily, we had a shower, some breakfast and a well deserved sleep. The rest of the  time there was uneventful and we were back at the airport before we knew it for our massive 14 hour next leg.

So now to the big news of the day, I received an email from the lady at the gender reassignment board to say that my case had been heard on Monday and that I had been successful! I am now officially female! I can’t tell you how it feels, it’s like the first big step on the paperwork side and it’s massive! I am now officially Ms Robin Ullyott for the time being, it means that we can lodge the name change the day after we arrive back in Australia and the new passport as soon as the name change thing comes back to us. We will make that golden wedding yet!!!

So this is it! This is what I’ve been longing for since the 14th of December, the day we booked the surgery. We were up early as we wanted to leave the place as perfect as possible for Megg, our house sitter. We stripped the bed and put the first of three loads of washing in, the weather looked ok so in theory we should get them all dry. I had a couple of little jobs to do, one work type job and a couple more in town, I returned home about 12 with a view of leaving at around 2.30 which we did, all jobs done, a couple of invitations to deliver on the way then up to Perth on the first leg of our journey which we calculated would take around 55 hours to complete. We met Josh and Louise and took them for dinner then they dropped us off at the airport.

Bearing in mind the fact that I have to leave Australia as Robin, arrive and leave Doha as Robin and arrive in Philadelphia as Robin I decided before we left to just wear Robin clothes and grin and bear it. I have been full time Stephanie now for a couple of months and to say I really don’t like going back would be an understatement but I don’t want any problems to hold us up so that was the plan so I drove to Perth as Stephanie so we could go out for dinner like that with a view to changing before heading to the airport but we went straight from the restaurant to the airport so I decided to stay in Steph clothes until Doha, arrive there as Steph and leave as Robin after our 20 hour stop over.

After arriving at the airport we joined the queue for check in, we are pretty early so the queue was not a long one, I scanned the people in front of me in the queue, I don’t know why but it’s something I do when I’m Stephanie and the first people I saw were my ex next door neighbours from when I lived in Black Wattle way, I couldn’t believe it, I haven’t told them about Stephanie which is probably remiss of me, they didn’t look my way so I just let it go but realised that I would need to talk to them as they were obviously on the same flight as us. We got through check in and went upstairs to go through security and there they were so I waited for an opportune moment and went over to them, put my arm round Val and Said “spooky who you bump into at the airport” she was shocked but pleased to see me, I said we needed to talk, she agreed and we arranged to meet at the gate.

We got a coffee and sat down, I couldn’t see them so waited for a while then I saw Val, went over and gave her a hug and she followed me to where Denise and I were sitting. She had pretty much worked out what I was doing but of course didn’t know the details and the reasons, she listened and was totally supportive, told me how well I looked and how much younger I look then we went to find Colin, he was sat having a glass of red with a friend of theirs who I met in about 8 years ago, he was also shocked but said I couldn’t believe how much weight I had lost since he last saw me. All in all a very positive meeting.

The flight started off ok, I watched a movie and we had a meal but shortly after that I started to feel hot and it rapidly escalated until I was just seconds away from fainting, it scared me a lot, thankfully two flight attendants came to help, moved me to a seat which had more room, gave me cold water and wet flannels to cool me down then sorted the the ventilation issue out which caused the problem, all the vents in the area we were sitting had been closed for some reason and it had just got hotter and hotter, anyway I was all good after that and the rest of the flight went without a hitch.

Today has been manic! So many beautiful people wanting to catch up either on the phone, by Skype or one of the many different options for messages. I am so blessed to have all these amazing people supporting me in what I am doing, I really feel I don’t deserve all this love!

I can see tomorrow being much the same, we plan to leave early afternoon, I can’t see it happening as we both have so much to do but will try anyway. A massive thank you to all my friends and family, you are all amazing!

The whole thing is getting very real and I’m so excited, we leave Busselton in less than 5 days and in around 330 hours I should be waking up from my surgery fully stephanised! Part of me is thinking it will be the end of a very long journey but a bigger part of me is thinking that the journey will just have begun in earnest as will my life, almost as though the last 56 years has been a trial run and not such a good one at that as I have not been the person I really want to be. In truth though I have had an amazing life up to now, the motor trade has taken me to lots of wonderful places over the years and I most likely wouldn’t have had the same success if I had been female sadly but inside there has always been something there, something missing if you like, as though I have only ever run at 80%, keeping 20 back for Stephanie and thinking about her every night when I go to bed. Even though I have not yet had the surgery and physically I guess I am still mainly male I no longer see Robin when I look in the mirror and when I look at photos it feels like a different person to who I am now. I still hold some pain inside about my parents inabilities regarding communication but as my wonderful psychologist said to me this morning, they would only do what the medical profession told them to do as in those days the doctors were like gods, basically you did what they told you to do without questions and maybe I am missing the point and one of the many doctors I have seen between the ages of 18 and 50 should have explained the whole lot instead of sending me to specialists who then didn’t want to tell me anything. It wasn’t until I started going to Sunshine medical that the process of finding out about my past started to take place and I’m eternally grateful for the care and support I have received, it’s a truly unique practice and I’ve told them so, they are all amazing from the reception to the nurses to the doctors. I was in there a couple of months ago and in the waiting room on my own when two ladies came in, one probably my age the other older, maybe her mother and they sat down near me and started talking, the older one said ” you always have to wait here, never get in on time, I wonder if this lady (meaning me) is waiting or just accompanying the person in with the doctor now” I didn’t say anything but was very tempted to say “there is a reason why you always have to wait, it’s because they care about their patients”  never once have I been told your time is up and I don’t ever remember being in less than the allotted time but remember lots of times when I have been in twice as long as I should have been, the whole place has a caring empathic feel to it, I love them all.